Valerie Vixen, please help! I had sex with this guy at a party. I never should have hooked up with him in the first place, I was really, really drunk. Now things are awkward, I see him everywhere, I don't know what to tell him. What do I do?

- Completely Embarrassed and Ashamed

Dear Completely Embarrassed and Ashamed,

Before I start, go get tested. Go! If you don’t remember everything that happened, then we can’t assume that you or your partner used protection. Getting tested is essential to maintaining your health. Even if you used protection, the fact that you were drunk means that you were more likely to fumble and make mistakes when putting on the condom. Condoms can become torn by fingernails and stretching, and can even slip off if the air is not squeezed out.

Alright, you need to sit this guy down and have a serious talk with him. Just make it completely clear and let him know you were drunk, and that you genuinely don't feel it was right that you had sex with him (if this is how you feel, and I’m assuming it is). Make it apparent that you either want to be friends or that you never want to see him again. At least make sure he understands that whatever happened is not a prelude to cutesy walks on the beach.

In your free time you need to learn how to keep your judgment when drunk. While you’re at it, figure out your alcohol-tolerance level. One shot, a pleasant buzz and10 shots, someone’s in your fuzz. You can't just go around having sex with everybody—tempting as that option may be—there are health safety and emotional stability issues with that choice. Better to take it easy and enjoy your romantic encounters with someone you care about rather than to drink your way into a stranger’s bed and miss out on intense, burning, passionate love.

Keep in mind alcohol diminishes your capacity for sensory intake. Perhaps this means you don’t feel the punch that’s thrown in a drunken brawl, or maybe you miss out on the sensations as you lie in some undisclosed location with a complete stranger. Lack of sensory perception makes it more difficult for either of you to reach orgasm. It also makes it harder for men to get and keep an erection during sex, and for women to produce the natural lubricants for pain-free sex.

The level of intimacy and sensuality is diminished if you have sex when you are drunk, and you are clumsy doing it. There is none of that fantastic foreplay which happens when you have sober sex. Sex is an act that is physical and emotional, and you enjoy it less if you don't have the proper use of your mind.

Use this encounter as a learning experience. You should have only clear and fond memories of your sexual escapades, not vague recollections and regrets. Not only does a drunken hookup create an awkward walk to class, but it also robs you of the chance to engage in meaningful and blissful sex. Safe and sober sex is the only sex worth having, trust me. Please don’t continue to sell yourself short; you are worth serious and memorable affection. You may feel bad now, but things will improve. And when you see that bozo on campus, just remember this—if you can’t remember the hookup, then he wasn’t worth your time anyway

- Valerie Vixen